I stumble, You teach, We grow

I'm growing up. tear*tear. I'm realizing that more as I step back and look at situations that have happened and how I've responded to them. And I guess I can only say I'm growing up because I'm learning through mistakes I've made & I'm realizing that life would be a whole lot better if I could grab myself by the shoulders on one of my worst days and be like, "Look you! You need to calm and buckle down because in a few days your going to look back at yourself, chuckle, and just shake your head. It would be a whole lot better if you understood this now, instead of later" Oh, silly me. But I'm thankful for a God who is Steadfast, even when I'm all over the place.

I'm learning a lot more about obedience through these situations. Like, something will all begin. A little voice inside of me tells me, hey do this. I'm either too lazy or I don't think it should be done or will help the situation at all, so I don't do it. Now fast forward to the ending...come to find out I should have been persistent and I would have found a different way, but it would have solved some things. Or when I'm having a crappy day and God is telling me to read Captivating or read the Bible and I'm just stubborn and I'd rather be miserable then listen to Him...hey, there obedience, you always creep up on me...so I don't read it. Then, the next morning I start reading it and it was exactly what I needed to hear the night before. Thank God His mercies are new every morning! Or I would be toast!

I think lately, I was letting Satan attack me. I was letting doubts come to me about if I was doing the right thing by going to the Honor Academy...and doubts that I was doing the right thing because the fundraisers weren't working out. But I read Oswald Chambers today and I don't think it hit then, but it's beginning to. It was on being faithful to HIM! Through those acts of obedience and through knowing Him, not having to know where He is leading you, but through those little acts of obedience His way will be made clear. I'm beginning to learn that. And oh boy, is it so hard for me! Just last night I was thinking about how I hadn't been messing up in a certain area for a while...then this morning I totally did! I'm just learning so much lately that I can't really contain fully all of what I am learning...but I'm a work in progress, and I'm moving forward constantly...learning from Him and about Him. That's the only way we'll ever get anywhere. Isn't that the truth! Through all of this, He's teaching me to hear His still small voice...and with any prayer, to listen.

So yeah...I'm loving this life that He has blessed me with, only because He is leading it. I wouldn't have it any other way. If I need to die more to myself (which I KNOW I do), then teach me Father.

Oh yeah. :) This is what the Body is supposed to do. Ridiculous Love. :)

Restoration

Alright, so instead of finishing that story I'm just gonna explain what the image was. It was of a heart in a castle in a tall tower. It was of course guarded, but it didn't really have those walls up like the story built. The heart was asleep like in the story and was tossing and turning like in the story. The image was sort of the climax and ending of the story I wrote. By the end of it the heart was tossing and turning so much that it was going to injure itself. (i guess I will go on with some of the story because my mind wants to, lol) The mind, body, strength, and soul finally was just like, "Alright, Christ, come make it all new. Settle this heart." so the next part (back to my original image) is of Christ coming into the tower and just stroking the heart like you would some one's hair. He spoke calming words and breathed power into it, the same power that conquered the grave. He restored it back to it's full potential and healed it's bruises until it was resting peacefully and content once again. (Now back to the story...) He then went to each of the others and restored them. He brought joy back into the soul so that it could dance and worship again. He renewed the Strength so that it felt confident. He energized the Body and made it feel like it was okay again. And He renewed the Mind. It was transforming while it kept moving forward. Things just didn't go to perfect after that, there was some struggles but the fire was back and the desire was there.

The image came to me a little while ago because my sleep wasn't well. I constantly tossed and turned and was restless. I just wasn't in a good place. I feel like I have needed to get my heart and everything else in the right place with God before I go to Texas. It's because this year is going to be so different and God will be teaching me so much that I need to get everything else lined up after that. I'm starting to pray now for my future roommates and for my CORE group and CORE group Advisor. I'm praying for the new friendships that I'll be making and the memories that will be made. ...People joke with me that I'm going to meet my future husband there...HA!...i highly doubt it considering I am just out of high school and God still has a lot to work on me with...like self-confidence to even THINK that. And that is NOT why I'm going there so I'm trying to guard myself against those thoughts...because believe it or not, I'm a girl, and I'm not completely invincible (though sometimes I'd like to think I am). I'm also praying that God will give me a clear direction for my life and what He wants from it.

Ah, so yeah, that was the image in all it's glory, haha. I had a pretty decent day today...now trying to figure out what else I need to get done before another day is over.

What a beautiful song